My brother Neil died Jan.30, 2011 in a motorcycle accident. It was a solo accident that took his life and it caused me and my family so much grief and depression.
I saw him 2 days before his death. It was dad’s birthday (Jan.28, 2011). We were surprised with the choco mousse cake he bought for tatay. For the first time! They haven't talked for years narin, and he finally decided to settle their misunderstandings na rin. Kaya lang wala si tatay, he was with friends. :(
Jan. 30, 2011. I heard my phone ringing but I refused to answer it right away. I was too busy with the household tasks and I wasn't expecting any call. It rang four times before it stopped. I received a message right after the call. It was mom, my younger brother and my cousin. I was shocked when I read their messages. Kuya had an accident. I felt my heart beating so fast like it would jump out of my chest any second! I immediately ran to his house. While in a jeepney, mom called again and I heard her miserably weeping.
Nanay: Hello, Diana..
-Nay! Nasan ka? nasan na po si Neil?
Nanay: Papunta na kami sa kuya mo..
- Bakit nasan po ba sya? buhay po ba!? buhay ba nay!? (I started crying again)
Nanay cried quietly and hang up the phone. I know she couldn’t just tell me kuya's gone. I cried so much and the other passengers were looking at me. "Diyos ko, wag nyo po kukunin ang kuya ko please.. ayoko po..".
The whole family was gathered when I got there.
- "Nasan ba kasi si Neil? sabi ko nung nagkita kami mag-helmet sya lagi eh! :’("
Joy Ann: Ate, may helmet si kuya kaya lang natanggal. Nagkayayaan sila sa Laguna para magswimming, sa Pililia sya naaksidente.
It made me feel so numb and I felt like having a chest pain "Bakit ang Kuya ko pa… Diyos ko..". I cried so much until I passed out.. After a short time, nanay called again and said she’s already with my brother’s lifeless body. She didn't look at it coz she doesn't want to see and remember the damage caused by the accident. "He’s truly gone from us" then she held my brother’s hand. "Hindi ko man lang nasabi sa iyong I love you anak". It’s very hard to recover from the death of loved ones and it’s even more harder and painful na makitang nasasaktan ang mga mahal mong naiwanan.
First night of burial was very quiet. I felt the tightness in my chest. I couldn't believe it all happened so suddenly. I was crying at the back silently with my husband and my cousin Joy Ann. I always tell people that God has a reason for allowing things to happen; but that time, hindi ko masabi yun sa sarili ko.. :’( How can I complain to God? He gave us life and he has the right to take it away. I know that! but our time together wasn't enough. "Why too soon oh God?"
The pain was unbearable and I can’t find acceptance in my heart. I couldn't sleep, I cannot concentrate and I remember myself sitting on the floor crying almost everyday. "Things will never be the same again kuya. I'm gonna miss you so much especially on holidays."
After almost two years
Thank God we are now able to go on with our lives and have found acceptance. The pain doesn't feel as intense as before but I am definitely not healed. My brother’s death gave me a greater and deeper appreciation for my life. Napakasarap mabuhay kasama ang mga mahal sa buhay. Kahit anong pagsubok kakayanin basta't nandyan sila. I learned to value my life more for my family who needs me. Even when I cross the street, I always make sure nothing's gonna happen to me.
I also learned to value my family and friends. It became easier for me to tell them how much they mean to me. Hindi ko rin makakalimutan nung may nagsabi sa akin "Hindi lang sa atin ang buhay natin, kaya wag natin ipagdadamot sa mga mahal natin sa buhay ang pag-mamahal na kailangan nila". Naiyak talaga ako nun.
Losing someone we love will surely change our life forever, but only acceptance can help us construct a different future. We need to endure the healing process, with courage.
· Acceptance- Let go of the regrets
· Allow yourself to mourn and release the sadness.
· Share your sorrows with your family or trusted friend. Let it all out and cry if you need to.
· Have plenty of rest. Sleep and eat coz we also need to be kind to ourselves
· Make yourself available. Unwind and plan a vacation with family and friends to lift your mood.
· PRAY- keep your faith and don’t lose hope.
We can never guarantee that our life will always be pain free. Death is something certain to happen in our life. Nauna lang sila sa atin. So we need to stay strong and allow time to heal the wounds. Be positive. God will surely open the door for them and they will live more peacefully up there.
“Kuya, wherever you are, I know you’re happy now. I'm proud to be your sister...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH…
I want to take this chance to thank those who gave us their prayers, kind words and thoughtful expressions of sympathy.
Maraming salamat po sa inyong lahat.. God bless...
Nanay: Hello, Diana..
-Nay! Nasan ka? nasan na po si Neil?
Nanay: Papunta na kami sa kuya mo..
- Bakit nasan po ba sya? buhay po ba!? buhay ba nay!? (I started crying again)
Nanay cried quietly and hang up the phone. I know she couldn’t just tell me kuya's gone. I cried so much and the other passengers were looking at me. "Diyos ko, wag nyo po kukunin ang kuya ko please.. ayoko po..".
The whole family was gathered when I got there.
- "Nasan ba kasi si Neil? sabi ko nung nagkita kami mag-helmet sya lagi eh! :’("
Joy Ann: Ate, may helmet si kuya kaya lang natanggal. Nagkayayaan sila sa Laguna para magswimming, sa Pililia sya naaksidente.
It made me feel so numb and I felt like having a chest pain "Bakit ang Kuya ko pa… Diyos ko..". I cried so much until I passed out.. After a short time, nanay called again and said she’s already with my brother’s lifeless body. She didn't look at it coz she doesn't want to see and remember the damage caused by the accident. "He’s truly gone from us" then she held my brother’s hand. "Hindi ko man lang nasabi sa iyong I love you anak". It’s very hard to recover from the death of loved ones and it’s even more harder and painful na makitang nasasaktan ang mga mahal mong naiwanan.
The pain was unbearable and I can’t find acceptance in my heart. I couldn't sleep, I cannot concentrate and I remember myself sitting on the floor crying almost everyday. "Things will never be the same again kuya. I'm gonna miss you so much especially on holidays."
After almost two years
Thank God we are now able to go on with our lives and have found acceptance. The pain doesn't feel as intense as before but I am definitely not healed. My brother’s death gave me a greater and deeper appreciation for my life. Napakasarap mabuhay kasama ang mga mahal sa buhay. Kahit anong pagsubok kakayanin basta't nandyan sila. I learned to value my life more for my family who needs me. Even when I cross the street, I always make sure nothing's gonna happen to me.
I also learned to value my family and friends. It became easier for me to tell them how much they mean to me. Hindi ko rin makakalimutan nung may nagsabi sa akin "Hindi lang sa atin ang buhay natin, kaya wag natin ipagdadamot sa mga mahal natin sa buhay ang pag-mamahal na kailangan nila". Naiyak talaga ako nun.
Losing someone we love will surely change our life forever, but only acceptance can help us construct a different future. We need to endure the healing process, with courage.
· Acceptance- Let go of the regrets
· Allow yourself to mourn and release the sadness.
· Share your sorrows with your family or trusted friend. Let it all out and cry if you need to.
· Have plenty of rest. Sleep and eat coz we also need to be kind to ourselves
· Make yourself available. Unwind and plan a vacation with family and friends to lift your mood.
· PRAY- keep your faith and don’t lose hope.
“Kuya, wherever you are, I know you’re happy now. I'm proud to be your sister...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH…
 |
| Thank you for the good memories... |
Maraming salamat po sa inyong lahat.. God bless...
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